How Do I Stop Saying The F Word – Exactly How I Chose Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Cooperate

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How Do I Stop Saying The F Word
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. How Do I Stop Saying The F Word

There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”

I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.How Do I Stop Saying The F Word

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan How Do I Stop Saying The F Word

My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other generally accepted parenting technique.

I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How every one of these concepts result in healthy child development How Do I Stop Saying The F Word

How Do I Stop Saying The F Word

In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit for the moment. However in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.

Considering his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyway? How Do I Stop Saying The F Word

First, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring significant misbehavior

• Giving your children whatever they ask for How Do I Stop Saying The F Word

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”

• Having no limits

You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently yields much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.

Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to promote:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy boundaries

• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals

Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?

• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint

• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. How Do I Stop Saying The F Word

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.

Right here are a number of the methods Amy reveals to help you to come to be the mother or dad you have actually always wished to be, and also help your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Identify the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (as well as more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

We can get a lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. How Do I Stop Saying The F Word

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary emotion underneath it

• Most mad children are actually anxious and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.

• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you truly want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … How Do I Stop Saying The F Word

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we must be prepared to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. How Do I Stop Saying The F Word

This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. How Do I Stop Saying The F Word

Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …

Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? How Do I Stop Saying The F Word

Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.

Some visitors may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.

How can you come to be a positive parent? How Do I Stop Saying The F Word

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I advise anyone who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How Do I Stop Saying The F Word

You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.

In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. How Do I Stop Saying The F Word


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