How Do I Talk To My Daughter An – How I Applied Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Cooperate

Please note: This post contains affiliate links.

How Do I Talk To My Daughter An
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. How Do I Talk To My Daughter An

There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”

I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.How Do I Talk To My Daughter An

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer How Do I Talk To My Daughter An

My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development How Do I Talk To My Daughter An

How Do I Talk To My Daughter An

In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.

Considering his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How Do I Talk To My Daughter An

Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking major wrongdoing

• Offering your children every little thing they ask for How Do I Talk To My Daughter An

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no restrictions

You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently produces far better lasting outcomes than strict control.

Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries

• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities

Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Helping kids to develop self-discipline

• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. How Do I Talk To My Daughter An

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.

Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to assist you to evolve into the mom or father you’ve always wanted to be, and also help your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Discover the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (and also much more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

However we can get a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. How Do I Talk To My Daughter An

As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling under it

• A lot of mad children are really anxious and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need initially.

• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.

• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … How Do I Talk To My Daughter An

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to receive from our child, we need to be willing to provide first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. How Do I Talk To My Daughter An

This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. How Do I Talk To My Daughter An

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …

Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? How Do I Talk To My Daughter An

Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.

So how can you become a positive parent? How Do I Talk To My Daughter An

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I recommend any individual that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How Do I Talk To My Daughter An

You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.

In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. How Do I Talk To My Daughter An


Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

error: Content is protected !!