How Do I Talk To My Dauther – Just How I Used Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Cooperate

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How Do I Talk To My Dauther
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. How Do I Talk To My Dauther

There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.

It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.How Do I Talk To My Dauther

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution How Do I Talk To My Dauther

My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting technique.

I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How every one of these principles lead to healthy child development How Do I Talk To My Dauther

How Do I Talk To My Dauther

In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.

Considering his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? How Do I Talk To My Dauther

Initially, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring major misbehavior

• Providing your children everything they want How Do I Talk To My Dauther

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no boundaries

You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that collaboration consistently generates better long-term outcomes than strict control.

Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy boundaries

• Building a child’s fundamental character traits

Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline

• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. How Do I Talk To My Dauther

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Below are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to help you to come to be the mama or dad you’ve always wished to be, and encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Find the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep. It’s often much easier (as well as a lot more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can progress a lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. How Do I Talk To My Dauther

For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary feeling beneath it

• The majority of mad children are really scared and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need first.

• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.

• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … How Do I Talk To My Dauther

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to provide. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. How Do I Talk To My Dauther

This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. How Do I Talk To My Dauther

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …

Just recently, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? How Do I Talk To My Dauther

Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

So just how can you become a positive parent? How Do I Talk To My Dauther

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How Do I Talk To My Dauther

You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.

In her totally free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. How Do I Talk To My Dauther


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