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When I initially came to be a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day When You Have Kids
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day When You Have Kids
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day When You Have Kids
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day When You Have Kids
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to help temporarily. But long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day When You Have Kids
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day When You Have Kids
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that cooperation always produces better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day When You Have Kids
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (and more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day When You Have Kids
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key feeling under it
• A lot of angry children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day When You Have Kids
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to receive from our child, we need to agree to offer first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as an individual. How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day When You Have Kids
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day When You Have Kids
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day When You Have Kids
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day When You Have Kids
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day When You Have Kids
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day When You Have Kids
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