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When I first became a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day With Kids
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day With Kids
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day With Kids
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also practically every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day With Kids
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to help temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day With Kids
Initially, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day With Kids
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently yields better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day With Kids
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (and much more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day With Kids
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main emotion below it
• A lot of upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day With Kids
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we need to be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day With Kids
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day With Kids
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day With Kids
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day With Kids
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day With Kids
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. How Do You Celebrate Valentine’s Day With Kids
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