How Do You Deal With An 18 Year Old Who Lies – Just How I Used Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Listen

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How Do You Deal With An 18 Year Old Who Lies
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mom, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. How Do You Deal With An 18 Year Old Who Lies

There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.How Do You Deal With An 18 Year Old Who Lies

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy How Do You Deal With An 18 Year Old Who Lies

My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also practically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.

I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development How Do You Deal With An 18 Year Old Who Lies

How Do You Deal With An 18 Year Old Who Lies

Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.

Considering his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How Do You Deal With An 18 Year Old Who Lies

First, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding major wrongdoing

• Giving your children whatever they ask for How Do You Deal With An 18 Year Old Who Lies

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no restrictions

You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration always generates much better long-term results than strict control.

Parents who embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries

• Building a child’s foundational character qualities

Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued

• Helping kids to develop self-control

• Going deeper than simple outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. How Do You Deal With An 18 Year Old Who Lies

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.

Below are a couple of the methods Amy teaches to assist you to come to be the mama or daddy you’ve always intended to be, as well as help your child to reach his/her highest potential.

Get to the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (and more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can get a great deal more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. How Do You Deal With An 18 Year Old Who Lies

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key feeling underneath it

• Most angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.

• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … How Do You Deal With An 18 Year Old Who Lies

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we should be prepared to provide. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. How Do You Deal With An 18 Year Old Who Lies

This does not mean you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. How Do You Deal With An 18 Year Old Who Lies

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …

Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? How Do You Deal With An 18 Year Old Who Lies

Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some readers could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How Do You Deal With An 18 Year Old Who Lies

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I suggest any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How Do You Deal With An 18 Year Old Who Lies

You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.

In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. How Do You Deal With An 18 Year Old Who Lies


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