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When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. How Do You Discipline A 3 Year Old Who Won’t Listen
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.How Do You Discipline A 3 Year Old Who Won’t Listen
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy How Do You Discipline A 3 Year Old Who Won’t Listen
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also virtually every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles cause healthy child development How Do You Discipline A 3 Year Old Who Won’t Listen
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to help for the moment. But in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? How Do You Discipline A 3 Year Old Who Won’t Listen
First, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want How Do You Discipline A 3 Year Old Who Won’t Listen
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that collaboration always generates far better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. How Do You Discipline A 3 Year Old Who Won’t Listen
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as extra common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. How Do You Discipline A 3 Year Old Who Won’t Listen
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main emotion underneath it
• Many mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … How Do You Discipline A 3 Year Old Who Won’t Listen
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we should be prepared to give. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as a person. How Do You Discipline A 3 Year Old Who Won’t Listen
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. How Do You Discipline A 3 Year Old Who Won’t Listen
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? How Do You Discipline A 3 Year Old Who Won’t Listen
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? How Do You Discipline A 3 Year Old Who Won’t Listen
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How Do You Discipline A 3 Year Old Who Won’t Listen
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. How Do You Discipline A 3 Year Old Who Won’t Listen
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