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When I first became a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. How Do You Discipline A Child Who Refuses To Listen And Throws Things When He Get Mad
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.How Do You Discipline A Child Who Refuses To Listen And Throws Things When He Get Mad
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy How Do You Discipline A Child Who Refuses To Listen And Throws Things When He Get Mad
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started checking out articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also practically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles cause healthy child development How Do You Discipline A Child Who Refuses To Listen And Throws Things When He Get Mad
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How Do You Discipline A Child Who Refuses To Listen And Throws Things When He Get Mad
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for How Do You Discipline A Child Who Refuses To Listen And Throws Things When He Get Mad
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that cooperation consistently yields far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than simple external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. How Do You Discipline A Child Who Refuses To Listen And Throws Things When He Get Mad
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as a lot more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. How Do You Discipline A Child Who Refuses To Listen And Throws Things When He Get Mad
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary emotion underneath it
• The majority of upset children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … How Do You Discipline A Child Who Refuses To Listen And Throws Things When He Get Mad
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we have to want to offer first. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. How Do You Discipline A Child Who Refuses To Listen And Throws Things When He Get Mad
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. How Do You Discipline A Child Who Refuses To Listen And Throws Things When He Get Mad
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? How Do You Discipline A Child Who Refuses To Listen And Throws Things When He Get Mad
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? How Do You Discipline A Child Who Refuses To Listen And Throws Things When He Get Mad
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How Do You Discipline A Child Who Refuses To Listen And Throws Things When He Get Mad
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. How Do You Discipline A Child Who Refuses To Listen And Throws Things When He Get Mad
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