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When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. How Do You Discipline A Child With ADHD In The Classroom
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.How Do You Discipline A Child With ADHD In The Classroom
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution How Do You Discipline A Child With ADHD In The Classroom
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also basically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development How Do You Discipline A Child With ADHD In The Classroom
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? How Do You Discipline A Child With ADHD In The Classroom
First, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want How Do You Discipline A Child With ADHD In The Classroom
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration always produces much better lasting results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. How Do You Discipline A Child With ADHD In The Classroom
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often much easier (and much more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. How Do You Discipline A Child With ADHD In The Classroom
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary emotion under it
• The majority of mad children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … How Do You Discipline A Child With ADHD In The Classroom
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to get from our child, we need to be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. How Do You Discipline A Child With ADHD In The Classroom
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. How Do You Discipline A Child With ADHD In The Classroom
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? How Do You Discipline A Child With ADHD In The Classroom
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How Do You Discipline A Child With ADHD In The Classroom
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How Do You Discipline A Child With ADHD In The Classroom
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. How Do You Discipline A Child With ADHD In The Classroom
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