Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. How Do You Discipline A Strong Willed Child
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.How Do You Discipline A Strong Willed Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy How Do You Discipline A Strong Willed Child
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reading blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also virtually every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts result in healthy child development How Do You Discipline A Strong Willed Child
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? How Do You Discipline A Strong Willed Child
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for How Do You Discipline A Strong Willed Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that collaboration always yields far better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than plain external conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. How Do You Discipline A Strong Willed Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and also much more usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. How Do You Discipline A Strong Willed Child
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary emotion underneath it
• A lot of angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you truly want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … How Do You Discipline A Strong Willed Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be ready to provide. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. How Do You Discipline A Strong Willed Child
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. How Do You Discipline A Strong Willed Child
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? How Do You Discipline A Strong Willed Child
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How Do You Discipline A Strong Willed Child
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How Do You Discipline A Strong Willed Child
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. How Do You Discipline A Strong Willed Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.