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When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. How Do You Establish A Structure And A Routine
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.How Do You Establish A Structure And A Routine
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution How Do You Establish A Structure And A Routine
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development How Do You Establish A Structure And A Routine
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? How Do You Establish A Structure And A Routine
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want How Do You Establish A Structure And A Routine
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation consistently generates better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. How Do You Establish A Structure And A Routine
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Below are a number of the techniques Amy shares to help you to evolve into the mama or dad you have actually always intended to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (and also much more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. How Do You Establish A Structure And A Routine
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main emotion under it
• A lot of angry children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … How Do You Establish A Structure And A Routine
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we must be willing to provide first. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. How Do You Establish A Structure And A Routine
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. How Do You Establish A Structure And A Routine
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? How Do You Establish A Structure And A Routine
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? How Do You Establish A Structure And A Routine
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How Do You Establish A Structure And A Routine
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. How Do You Establish A Structure And A Routine
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.