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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. How Do You Punish A Toddler For Hitting
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.How Do You Punish A Toddler For Hitting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy How Do You Punish A Toddler For Hitting
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development How Do You Punish A Toddler For Hitting
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How Do You Punish A Toddler For Hitting
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for How Do You Punish A Toddler For Hitting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that collaboration always generates better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. How Do You Punish A Toddler For Hitting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and also extra typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. How Do You Punish A Toddler For Hitting
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• The majority of angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … How Do You Punish A Toddler For Hitting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to receive from our child, we should agree to offer first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as a person. How Do You Punish A Toddler For Hitting
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. How Do You Punish A Toddler For Hitting
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? How Do You Punish A Toddler For Hitting
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How Do You Punish A Toddler For Hitting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How Do You Punish A Toddler For Hitting
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. How Do You Punish A Toddler For Hitting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.