Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. How Does Positive Parenting Work
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.How Does Positive Parenting Work
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution How Does Positive Parenting Work
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began checking out articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development How Does Positive Parenting Work
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? How Does Positive Parenting Work
Initially, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for How Does Positive Parenting Work
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently produces much better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. How Does Positive Parenting Work
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (and also much more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. How Does Positive Parenting Work
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key feeling beneath it
• The majority of mad children are really anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … How Does Positive Parenting Work
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to receive from our child, we have to be willing to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. How Does Positive Parenting Work
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. How Does Positive Parenting Work
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? How Does Positive Parenting Work
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? How Does Positive Parenting Work
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How Does Positive Parenting Work
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. How Does Positive Parenting Work
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.