Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. How Good A Parent Am I Quiz
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.How Good A Parent Am I Quiz
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy How Good A Parent Am I Quiz
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began checking out material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as practically every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development How Good A Parent Am I Quiz
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit for the moment. But in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? How Good A Parent Am I Quiz
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want How Good A Parent Am I Quiz
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration consistently produces far better lasting results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere exterior conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. How Good A Parent Am I Quiz
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (as well as much more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. How Good A Parent Am I Quiz
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary emotion underneath it
• Most angry children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … How Good A Parent Am I Quiz
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be prepared to offer. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. How Good A Parent Am I Quiz
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. How Good A Parent Am I Quiz
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? How Good A Parent Am I Quiz
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? How Good A Parent Am I Quiz
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How Good A Parent Am I Quiz
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. How Good A Parent Am I Quiz
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.