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When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. How Long Does A Child Use A Highchair
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.How Long Does A Child Use A Highchair
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution How Long Does A Child Use A Highchair
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also virtually every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development How Long Does A Child Use A Highchair
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to help for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? How Long Does A Child Use A Highchair
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want How Long Does A Child Use A Highchair
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation always generates much better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. How Long Does A Child Use A Highchair
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and much more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. How Long Does A Child Use A Highchair
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main feeling below it
• A lot of angry children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … How Long Does A Child Use A Highchair
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to obtain from our child, we must be willing to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as an individual. How Long Does A Child Use A Highchair
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. How Long Does A Child Use A Highchair
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? How Long Does A Child Use A Highchair
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? How Long Does A Child Use A Highchair
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How Long Does A Child Use A Highchair
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. How Long Does A Child Use A Highchair
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.