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When I initially became a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. How Much Is Positive Parenting Solutions
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.How Much Is Positive Parenting Solutions
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer How Much Is Positive Parenting Solutions
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as basically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy child development How Much Is Positive Parenting Solutions
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? How Much Is Positive Parenting Solutions
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for How Much Is Positive Parenting Solutions
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation always produces far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. How Much Is Positive Parenting Solutions
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (as well as much more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. How Much Is Positive Parenting Solutions
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a main feeling under it
• The majority of angry children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … How Much Is Positive Parenting Solutions
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we have to be willing to give before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. How Much Is Positive Parenting Solutions
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. How Much Is Positive Parenting Solutions
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? How Much Is Positive Parenting Solutions
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? How Much Is Positive Parenting Solutions
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How Much Is Positive Parenting Solutions
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. How Much Is Positive Parenting Solutions
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