How Not To Discipline Your Child – How I Used Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Behave

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How Not To Discipline Your Child
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. How Not To Discipline Your Child

There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.How Not To Discipline Your Child

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution How Not To Discipline Your Child

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reviewing material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other generally accepted parenting method.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Resolving power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development How Not To Discipline Your Child

How Not To Discipline Your Child

During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.

Considering his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyway? How Not To Discipline Your Child

Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring significant misbehavior

• Providing your children every little thing they want How Not To Discipline Your Child

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”

• Having no boundaries

You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently produces better long-lasting results than forced control.

Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced limits

• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits

Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued

• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint

• Going much deeper than mere exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. How Not To Discipline Your Child

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.

Below are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to evolve into the mama or daddy you’ve always intended to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Find the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and extra typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

We can progress a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. How Not To Discipline Your Child

For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-discipline to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main feeling underneath it

• The majority of mad children are in fact anxious and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need initially.

• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.

• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … How Not To Discipline Your Child

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we need to agree to offer first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?

It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. How Not To Discipline Your Child

This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. How Not To Discipline Your Child

Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …

Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? How Not To Discipline Your Child

Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.

How can you become a positive parent? How Not To Discipline Your Child

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. However gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.

I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How Not To Discipline Your Child

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.

In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. How Not To Discipline Your Child


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