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When I first became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Avoid C Section
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.How To Avoid C Section
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy How To Avoid C Section
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and basically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts cause healthy child development How To Avoid C Section
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How To Avoid C Section
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for How To Avoid C Section
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that cooperation always yields far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. How To Avoid C Section
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically simpler (as well as a lot more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. How To Avoid C Section
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main emotion beneath it
• The majority of mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … How To Avoid C Section
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to obtain from our child, we must agree to provide first. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. How To Avoid C Section
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. How To Avoid C Section
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to solve the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? How To Avoid C Section
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Avoid C Section
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Avoid C Section
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Avoid C Section
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.