How To Be A Good Parent To A Defiant 3 Year Old Daughter – Exactly How I Applied Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Listen

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How To Be A Good Parent To A Defiant 3 Year Old Daughter
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. How To Be A Good Parent To A Defiant 3 Year Old Daughter

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.

It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.How To Be A Good Parent To A Defiant 3 Year Old Daughter

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution How To Be A Good Parent To A Defiant 3 Year Old Daughter

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and virtually every other typically approved parenting technique.

I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development How To Be A Good Parent To A Defiant 3 Year Old Daughter

How To Be A Good Parent To A Defiant 3 Year Old Daughter

Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.

Considering his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? How To Be A Good Parent To A Defiant 3 Year Old Daughter

Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring major misbehavior

• Giving your children whatever they want How To Be A Good Parent To A Defiant 3 Year Old Daughter

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration consistently yields much better long-term outcomes than forced control.

Moms and dads who embrace this design have learned to cultivate:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced limits

• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits

Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued

• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint

• Going much deeper than simple external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. How To Be A Good Parent To A Defiant 3 Year Old Daughter

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.

Right here are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to assist you to come to be the mom or dad you have actually always intended to be, and assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Find the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and also a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

But we can get a great deal farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. How To Be A Good Parent To A Defiant 3 Year Old Daughter

As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-control to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key feeling below it

• A lot of upset children are really scared and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that large need first.

• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.

• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … How To Be A Good Parent To A Defiant 3 Year Old Daughter

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be ready to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?

It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as a person. How To Be A Good Parent To A Defiant 3 Year Old Daughter

This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. How To Be A Good Parent To A Defiant 3 Year Old Daughter

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …

Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? How To Be A Good Parent To A Defiant 3 Year Old Daughter

Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some readers may be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.

So how can you become a positive parent? How To Be A Good Parent To A Defiant 3 Year Old Daughter

This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I recommend anybody that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Be A Good Parent To A Defiant 3 Year Old Daughter

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.

In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. How To Be A Good Parent To A Defiant 3 Year Old Daughter


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