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When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Be A Good Parent To A Teenage Girl
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.How To Be A Good Parent To A Teenage Girl
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach How To Be A Good Parent To A Teenage Girl
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began checking out blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as virtually every other typically accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development How To Be A Good Parent To A Teenage Girl
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? How To Be A Good Parent To A Teenage Girl
Initially, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want How To Be A Good Parent To A Teenage Girl
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration always generates far better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. How To Be A Good Parent To A Teenage Girl
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. How To Be A Good Parent To A Teenage Girl
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary emotion under it
• The majority of upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … How To Be A Good Parent To A Teenage Girl
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we must be prepared to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. How To Be A Good Parent To A Teenage Girl
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. How To Be A Good Parent To A Teenage Girl
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? How To Be A Good Parent To A Teenage Girl
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? How To Be A Good Parent To A Teenage Girl
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Be A Good Parent To A Teenage Girl
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. How To Be A Good Parent To A Teenage Girl
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.