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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Be A Good Teenager
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.How To Be A Good Teenager
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer How To Be A Good Teenager
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts cause healthy child development How To Be A Good Teenager
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? How To Be A Good Teenager
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for How To Be A Good Teenager
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation always yields much better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. How To Be A Good Teenager
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually easier (as well as more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. How To Be A Good Teenager
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary emotion below it
• Many angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … How To Be A Good Teenager
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we should want to provide first. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. How To Be A Good Teenager
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. How To Be A Good Teenager
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? How To Be A Good Teenager
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? How To Be A Good Teenager
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Be A Good Teenager
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. How To Be A Good Teenager
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.