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When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Be A Kind And Respectful Child
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.How To Be A Kind And Respectful Child
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach How To Be A Kind And Respectful Child
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also pretty much every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles result in healthy child development How To Be A Kind And Respectful Child
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? How To Be A Kind And Respectful Child
First, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want How To Be A Kind And Respectful Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration always generates much better long-term results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. How To Be A Kind And Respectful Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (and much more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. How To Be A Kind And Respectful Child
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary emotion underneath it
• The majority of mad children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … How To Be A Kind And Respectful Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. How To Be A Kind And Respectful Child
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. How To Be A Kind And Respectful Child
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? How To Be A Kind And Respectful Child
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? How To Be A Kind And Respectful Child
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Be A Kind And Respectful Child
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. How To Be A Kind And Respectful Child
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