How To Bond With Your Toddler – How I Used Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Listen

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How To Bond With Your Toddler
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Bond With Your Toddler

There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.How To Bond With Your Toddler

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer How To Bond With Your Toddler

My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reviewing blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also virtually every other typically accepted parenting strategy.

I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development How To Bond With Your Toddler

How To Bond With Your Toddler

In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to help for the moment. But in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.

Considering his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How To Bond With Your Toddler

Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring significant wrongdoing

• Providing your children whatever they ask for How To Bond With Your Toddler

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no limitations

You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation always yields much better lasting outcomes than forced control.

Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries

• Building a child’s foundational character traits

Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint

• Going deeper than plain external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. How To Bond With Your Toddler

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.

Below are a couple of the methods Amy reveals to encourage you to evolve into the mama or dad you’ve always wanted to be, and assist your child to reach his/her full potential.

Find the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also a lot more usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

We can get a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. How To Bond With Your Toddler

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key emotion below it

• Many angry children are actually frightened and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.

• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … How To Bond With Your Toddler

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we must be ready to give. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their point of view, and also you value them as an individual. How To Bond With Your Toddler

This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. How To Bond With Your Toddler

Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …

Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? How To Bond With Your Toddler

Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some readers might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.

So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Bond With Your Toddler

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I recommend any individual that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Bond With Your Toddler

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.

In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. How To Bond With Your Toddler


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