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When I first became a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. How To Deal With 7 Year Old Attitude
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.How To Deal With 7 Year Old Attitude
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy How To Deal With 7 Year Old Attitude
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also basically every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development How To Deal With 7 Year Old Attitude
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Deal With 7 Year Old Attitude
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want How To Deal With 7 Year Old Attitude
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration always produces much better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. How To Deal With 7 Year Old Attitude
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (as well as more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. How To Deal With 7 Year Old Attitude
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• Most angry children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … How To Deal With 7 Year Old Attitude
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we have to want to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. How To Deal With 7 Year Old Attitude
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. How To Deal With 7 Year Old Attitude
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? How To Deal With 7 Year Old Attitude
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? How To Deal With 7 Year Old Attitude
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Deal With 7 Year Old Attitude
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. How To Deal With 7 Year Old Attitude
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