How To Deal With Bad Kids – Just How I Used Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Behave

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How To Deal With Bad Kids
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Deal With Bad Kids

There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.How To Deal With Bad Kids

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer How To Deal With Bad Kids

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also practically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.

I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How every one of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development How To Deal With Bad Kids

How To Deal With Bad Kids

During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.

Given his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyway? How To Deal With Bad Kids

Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring significant misbehavior

• Giving your children whatever they want How To Deal With Bad Kids

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently yields far better lasting results than forced control.

Parents that embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries

• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities

Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued

• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline

• Going deeper than simple external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. How To Deal With Bad Kids

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.

Here are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to help you to come to be the mommy or dad you’ve always wished to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Discover the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (and also a lot more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

We can get a whole lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. How To Deal With Bad Kids

For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main emotion underneath it

• Many mad children are really scared and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.

• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.

• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … How To Deal With Bad Kids

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we must be prepared to give. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as an individual. How To Deal With Bad Kids

This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. How To Deal With Bad Kids

Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …

Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? How To Deal With Bad Kids

Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.

Just how can you become a positive parent? How To Deal With Bad Kids

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I recommend anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Deal With Bad Kids

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.

In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Deal With Bad Kids


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