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When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Deal With Kindergarten Behavior Problems
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.How To Deal With Kindergarten Behavior Problems
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach How To Deal With Kindergarten Behavior Problems
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and pretty much every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development How To Deal With Kindergarten Behavior Problems
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How To Deal With Kindergarten Behavior Problems
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want How To Deal With Kindergarten Behavior Problems
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration always generates much better lasting results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than mere exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. How To Deal With Kindergarten Behavior Problems
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (and also a lot more usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. How To Deal With Kindergarten Behavior Problems
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main feeling under it
• Many mad children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … How To Deal With Kindergarten Behavior Problems
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we have to be eager to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as an individual. How To Deal With Kindergarten Behavior Problems
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. How To Deal With Kindergarten Behavior Problems
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? How To Deal With Kindergarten Behavior Problems
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? How To Deal With Kindergarten Behavior Problems
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Deal With Kindergarten Behavior Problems
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. How To Deal With Kindergarten Behavior Problems
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.