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When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Deal With People Who Talk Behind Your Back
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.How To Deal With People Who Talk Behind Your Back
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution How To Deal With People Who Talk Behind Your Back
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as basically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles cause healthy child development How To Deal With People Who Talk Behind Your Back
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How To Deal With People Who Talk Behind Your Back
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for How To Deal With People Who Talk Behind Your Back
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that collaboration always generates better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. How To Deal With People Who Talk Behind Your Back
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (as well as much more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. How To Deal With People Who Talk Behind Your Back
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main feeling under it
• Many angry children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … How To Deal With People Who Talk Behind Your Back
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we should be eager to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. How To Deal With People Who Talk Behind Your Back
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. How To Deal With People Who Talk Behind Your Back
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? How To Deal With People Who Talk Behind Your Back
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? How To Deal With People Who Talk Behind Your Back
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Deal With People Who Talk Behind Your Back
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. How To Deal With People Who Talk Behind Your Back
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.