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When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. How To Deal With Sibling Rivalry
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.How To Deal With Sibling Rivalry
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan How To Deal With Sibling Rivalry
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as practically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development How To Deal With Sibling Rivalry
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? How To Deal With Sibling Rivalry
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for How To Deal With Sibling Rivalry
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation always yields far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. How To Deal With Sibling Rivalry
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (and much more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. How To Deal With Sibling Rivalry
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main emotion beneath it
• Most upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … How To Deal With Sibling Rivalry
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. How To Deal With Sibling Rivalry
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. How To Deal With Sibling Rivalry
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? How To Deal With Sibling Rivalry
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? How To Deal With Sibling Rivalry
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Deal With Sibling Rivalry
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. How To Deal With Sibling Rivalry
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.