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When I initially became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Decorate Room Parents Sharing With Kids
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.How To Decorate Room Parents Sharing With Kids
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy How To Decorate Room Parents Sharing With Kids
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and virtually every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development How To Decorate Room Parents Sharing With Kids
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How To Decorate Room Parents Sharing With Kids
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for How To Decorate Room Parents Sharing With Kids
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration always yields better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. How To Decorate Room Parents Sharing With Kids
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and extra common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. How To Decorate Room Parents Sharing With Kids
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a primary emotion below it
• A lot of mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … How To Decorate Room Parents Sharing With Kids
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be eager to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. How To Decorate Room Parents Sharing With Kids
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. How To Decorate Room Parents Sharing With Kids
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? How To Decorate Room Parents Sharing With Kids
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? How To Decorate Room Parents Sharing With Kids
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Decorate Room Parents Sharing With Kids
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. How To Decorate Room Parents Sharing With Kids
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