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When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Discipline A 7 Year Old For Talking Back
There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.How To Discipline A 7 Year Old For Talking Back
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach How To Discipline A 7 Year Old For Talking Back
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started checking out material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as basically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development How To Discipline A 7 Year Old For Talking Back
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Discipline A 7 Year Old For Talking Back
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for How To Discipline A 7 Year Old For Talking Back
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. How To Discipline A 7 Year Old For Talking Back
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to help you to come to be the mommy or dad you have actually always wanted to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (as well as extra common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. How To Discipline A 7 Year Old For Talking Back
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary feeling underneath it
• Most upset children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … How To Discipline A 7 Year Old For Talking Back
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to get from our child, we have to agree to offer first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. How To Discipline A 7 Year Old For Talking Back
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. How To Discipline A 7 Year Old For Talking Back
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? How To Discipline A 7 Year Old For Talking Back
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Discipline A 7 Year Old For Talking Back
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Discipline A 7 Year Old For Talking Back
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Discipline A 7 Year Old For Talking Back
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.