How To Discipline A Child 4 – How I Chose Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Behave

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How To Discipline A Child 4
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. How To Discipline A Child 4

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.

It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.How To Discipline A Child 4

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach How To Discipline A Child 4

My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other typically approved parenting strategy.

I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development How To Discipline A Child 4

How To Discipline A Child 4

Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.

Considering his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How To Discipline A Child 4

First, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Overlooking significant misbehavior

• Giving your children every little thing they want How To Discipline A Child 4

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no limitations

You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that collaboration always yields far better lasting results than forced control.

Parents that adopt this design have actually figured out how to promote:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries

• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities

Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued

• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline

• Going deeper than mere outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. How To Discipline A Child 4

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.

Here are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to help you to evolve into the mama or father you have actually always intended to be, and also help your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Discover the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

But we can get a whole lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. How To Discipline A Child 4

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary feeling beneath it

• Many angry children are actually scared and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that big need initially.

• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … How To Discipline A Child 4

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we have to be prepared to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. How To Discipline A Child 4

This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. How To Discipline A Child 4

Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …

Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? How To Discipline A Child 4

Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.

Just how can you become a positive parent? How To Discipline A Child 4

This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I recommend anyone who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Discipline A Child 4

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.

In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Discipline A Child 4


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