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When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Discipline A Child For Bad Behavior At School
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.How To Discipline A Child For Bad Behavior At School
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer How To Discipline A Child For Bad Behavior At School
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy child development How To Discipline A Child For Bad Behavior At School
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? How To Discipline A Child For Bad Behavior At School
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for How To Discipline A Child For Bad Behavior At School
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration always yields better long-term results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. How To Discipline A Child For Bad Behavior At School
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. How To Discipline A Child For Bad Behavior At School
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main emotion beneath it
• Many angry children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … How To Discipline A Child For Bad Behavior At School
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to obtain from our child, we must agree to give before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. How To Discipline A Child For Bad Behavior At School
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. How To Discipline A Child For Bad Behavior At School
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? How To Discipline A Child For Bad Behavior At School
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? How To Discipline A Child For Bad Behavior At School
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Discipline A Child For Bad Behavior At School
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. How To Discipline A Child For Bad Behavior At School
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.