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When I initially became a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Discipline A Child For Bad Grades
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.How To Discipline A Child For Bad Grades
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach How To Discipline A Child For Bad Grades
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and practically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development How To Discipline A Child For Bad Grades
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit temporarily. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? How To Discipline A Child For Bad Grades
Initially, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want How To Discipline A Child For Bad Grades
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently generates far better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. How To Discipline A Child For Bad Grades
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (and also more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. How To Discipline A Child For Bad Grades
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling under it
• Many mad children are really anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … How To Discipline A Child For Bad Grades
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to obtain from our child, we must be willing to provide first. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. How To Discipline A Child For Bad Grades
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. How To Discipline A Child For Bad Grades
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? How To Discipline A Child For Bad Grades
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Discipline A Child For Bad Grades
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Discipline A Child For Bad Grades
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Discipline A Child For Bad Grades
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.