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When I first became a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Discipline A Child For Lying
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.How To Discipline A Child For Lying
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer How To Discipline A Child For Lying
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also basically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles lead to healthy child development How To Discipline A Child For Lying
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit temporarily. However long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? How To Discipline A Child For Lying
First, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want How To Discipline A Child For Lying
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation always yields much better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. How To Discipline A Child For Lying
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically much easier (as well as much more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. How To Discipline A Child For Lying
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key feeling underneath it
• The majority of angry children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … How To Discipline A Child For Lying
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to obtain from our child, we must be willing to give first. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. How To Discipline A Child For Lying
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. How To Discipline A Child For Lying
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? How To Discipline A Child For Lying
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? How To Discipline A Child For Lying
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Discipline A Child For Lying
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. How To Discipline A Child For Lying
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.