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When I first became a mother, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Discipline A Child Who Doesn’t Listen
There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.How To Discipline A Child Who Doesn’t Listen
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach How To Discipline A Child Who Doesn’t Listen
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as practically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development How To Discipline A Child Who Doesn’t Listen
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? How To Discipline A Child Who Doesn’t Listen
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for How To Discipline A Child Who Doesn’t Listen
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently generates much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. How To Discipline A Child Who Doesn’t Listen
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often simpler (and more typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. How To Discipline A Child Who Doesn’t Listen
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary emotion under it
• Most mad children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … How To Discipline A Child Who Doesn’t Listen
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we must want to give first. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as an individual. How To Discipline A Child Who Doesn’t Listen
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. How To Discipline A Child Who Doesn’t Listen
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? How To Discipline A Child Who Doesn’t Listen
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? How To Discipline A Child Who Doesn’t Listen
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Discipline A Child Who Doesn’t Listen
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. How To Discipline A Child Who Doesn’t Listen
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.