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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. How To Discipline A Child Who Is Disrespectful
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.How To Discipline A Child Who Is Disrespectful
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution How To Discipline A Child Who Is Disrespectful
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also virtually every other typically approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles result in healthy child development How To Discipline A Child Who Is Disrespectful
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit for the moment. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Discipline A Child Who Is Disrespectful
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want How To Discipline A Child Who Is Disrespectful
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that cooperation always yields much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. How To Discipline A Child Who Is Disrespectful
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and a lot more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. How To Discipline A Child Who Is Disrespectful
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• The majority of mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … How To Discipline A Child Who Is Disrespectful
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. How To Discipline A Child Who Is Disrespectful
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. How To Discipline A Child Who Is Disrespectful
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? How To Discipline A Child Who Is Disrespectful
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Discipline A Child Who Is Disrespectful
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Discipline A Child Who Is Disrespectful
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. How To Discipline A Child Who Is Disrespectful
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