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When I initially became a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Discipline A Child With ADD
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.How To Discipline A Child With ADD
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach How To Discipline A Child With ADD
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also virtually every other generally approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development How To Discipline A Child With ADD
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? How To Discipline A Child With ADD
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want How To Discipline A Child With ADD
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently yields much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. How To Discipline A Child With ADD
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Below are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to assist you to come to be the mother or dad you have actually always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her full potential.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (as well as much more common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. How To Discipline A Child With ADD
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main feeling below it
• The majority of mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … How To Discipline A Child With ADD
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to receive from our child, we have to be ready to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. How To Discipline A Child With ADD
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. How To Discipline A Child With ADD
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? How To Discipline A Child With ADD
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Discipline A Child With ADD
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Discipline A Child With ADD
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. How To Discipline A Child With ADD
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.