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When I initially came to be a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Discipline A Child With ADHD At Home
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.How To Discipline A Child With ADHD At Home
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan How To Discipline A Child With ADHD At Home
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began reading blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as basically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development How To Discipline A Child With ADHD At Home
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. But long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? How To Discipline A Child With ADHD At Home
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want How To Discipline A Child With ADHD At Home
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently generates much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. How To Discipline A Child With ADHD At Home
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually easier (and extra usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. How To Discipline A Child With ADHD At Home
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main emotion under it
• Most upset children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … How To Discipline A Child With ADHD At Home
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. How To Discipline A Child With ADHD At Home
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. How To Discipline A Child With ADHD At Home
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? How To Discipline A Child With ADHD At Home
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? How To Discipline A Child With ADHD At Home
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Discipline A Child With ADHD At Home
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Discipline A Child With ADHD At Home
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.