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When I first became a mother, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Discipline A Child With Autism And ADHD
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.How To Discipline A Child With Autism And ADHD
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer How To Discipline A Child With Autism And ADHD
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as basically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts result in healthy child development How To Discipline A Child With Autism And ADHD
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Discipline A Child With Autism And ADHD
First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for How To Discipline A Child With Autism And ADHD
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently yields better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. How To Discipline A Child With Autism And ADHD
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently much easier (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. How To Discipline A Child With Autism And ADHD
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a key emotion below it
• Most upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … How To Discipline A Child With Autism And ADHD
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we should be willing to offer first. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as an individual. How To Discipline A Child With Autism And ADHD
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. How To Discipline A Child With Autism And ADHD
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? How To Discipline A Child With Autism And ADHD
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Discipline A Child With Autism And ADHD
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Discipline A Child With Autism And ADHD
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. How To Discipline A Child With Autism And ADHD
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