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When I first became a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. How To Discipline A Child With BPD
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.How To Discipline A Child With BPD
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer How To Discipline A Child With BPD
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and practically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development How To Discipline A Child With BPD
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? How To Discipline A Child With BPD
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for How To Discipline A Child With BPD
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that collaboration always produces much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. How To Discipline A Child With BPD
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (as well as extra usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. How To Discipline A Child With BPD
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key emotion below it
• The majority of angry children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … How To Discipline A Child With BPD
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we must be willing to give first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as a person. How To Discipline A Child With BPD
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. How To Discipline A Child With BPD
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? How To Discipline A Child With BPD
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? How To Discipline A Child With BPD
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Discipline A Child With BPD
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. How To Discipline A Child With BPD
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.