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When I first became a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Discipline A Child With Creativity And Fun
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.How To Discipline A Child With Creativity And Fun
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan How To Discipline A Child With Creativity And Fun
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development How To Discipline A Child With Creativity And Fun
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to work temporarily. But in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Discipline A Child With Creativity And Fun
Initially, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for How To Discipline A Child With Creativity And Fun
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation always produces better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. How To Discipline A Child With Creativity And Fun
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and much more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. How To Discipline A Child With Creativity And Fun
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main emotion beneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … How To Discipline A Child With Creativity And Fun
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to obtain from our child, we should be willing to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. How To Discipline A Child With Creativity And Fun
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. How To Discipline A Child With Creativity And Fun
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? How To Discipline A Child With Creativity And Fun
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Discipline A Child With Creativity And Fun
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Discipline A Child With Creativity And Fun
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. How To Discipline A Child With Creativity And Fun
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