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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Discipline A Child With Oppositional Defiant Disorder
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.How To Discipline A Child With Oppositional Defiant Disorder
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer How To Discipline A Child With Oppositional Defiant Disorder
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and practically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas lead to healthy child development How To Discipline A Child With Oppositional Defiant Disorder
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to help temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? How To Discipline A Child With Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Initially, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want How To Discipline A Child With Oppositional Defiant Disorder
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration always generates much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. How To Discipline A Child With Oppositional Defiant Disorder
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (and a lot more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. How To Discipline A Child With Oppositional Defiant Disorder
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary emotion underneath it
• Most mad children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … How To Discipline A Child With Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we must want to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as a person. How To Discipline A Child With Oppositional Defiant Disorder
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. How To Discipline A Child With Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? How To Discipline A Child With Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Discipline A Child With Oppositional Defiant Disorder
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Discipline A Child With Oppositional Defiant Disorder
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. How To Discipline A Child With Oppositional Defiant Disorder
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