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When I initially became a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Discipline A Child With Reactive Attachment Disorder
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.How To Discipline A Child With Reactive Attachment Disorder
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution How To Discipline A Child With Reactive Attachment Disorder
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development How To Discipline A Child With Reactive Attachment Disorder
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit for the moment. But in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Discipline A Child With Reactive Attachment Disorder
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for How To Discipline A Child With Reactive Attachment Disorder
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration always generates better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. How To Discipline A Child With Reactive Attachment Disorder
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Below are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to come to be the mommy or father you have actually always wanted to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her full potential.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically easier (and also extra typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. How To Discipline A Child With Reactive Attachment Disorder
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion under it
• A lot of upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … How To Discipline A Child With Reactive Attachment Disorder
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we have to agree to give before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. How To Discipline A Child With Reactive Attachment Disorder
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. How To Discipline A Child With Reactive Attachment Disorder
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? How To Discipline A Child With Reactive Attachment Disorder
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? How To Discipline A Child With Reactive Attachment Disorder
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Discipline A Child With Reactive Attachment Disorder
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. How To Discipline A Child With Reactive Attachment Disorder
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.