How To Discipline A Difficult Child – Just How I Chose Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Listen

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How To Discipline A Difficult Child
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. How To Discipline A Difficult Child

There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.How To Discipline A Difficult Child

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution How To Discipline A Difficult Child

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reading blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other generally approved parenting strategy.

I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development How To Discipline A Difficult Child

How To Discipline A Difficult Child

In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to work temporarily. However long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.

Given his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyway? How To Discipline A Difficult Child

Initially, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring major misbehavior

• Offering your children every little thing they want How To Discipline A Difficult Child

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no boundaries

You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that collaboration consistently produces better long-term results than strict control.

Parents who embrace this concept have learned to promote:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries

• Developing a child’s foundational character traits

Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Helping kids to develop self-restraint

• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. How To Discipline A Difficult Child

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mother or daddy you’ve always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her full potential.

Identify the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (and also much more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

We can get a lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. How To Discipline A Difficult Child

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-control to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary feeling underneath it

• Many mad children are really scared and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.

• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.

• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … How To Discipline A Difficult Child

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be prepared to offer. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. How To Discipline A Difficult Child

This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. How To Discipline A Difficult Child

Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …

Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? How To Discipline A Difficult Child

Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.

Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.

Just how can you become a positive parent? How To Discipline A Difficult Child

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I advise any individual that is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Discipline A Difficult Child

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.

In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. How To Discipline A Difficult Child


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