How To Discipline A Foster Child – Exactly How I Used Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Behave

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How To Discipline A Foster Child
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. How To Discipline A Foster Child

There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.

It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.How To Discipline A Foster Child

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach How To Discipline A Foster Child

My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as practically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.

I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these ideas cause healthy child development How To Discipline A Foster Child

How To Discipline A Foster Child

In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit temporarily. However long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.

Given his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Discipline A Foster Child

First, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking major misbehavior

• Giving your children every little thing they want How To Discipline A Foster Child

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no limitations

You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently generates far better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.

Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced limits

• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits

Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Helping kids to establish self-restraint

• Going deeper than plain external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. How To Discipline A Foster Child

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Here are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to assist you to evolve into the mom or father you’ve always wished to be, and help your child to reach his/her full potential.

Identify the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually easier (and much more typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can progress a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. How To Discipline A Foster Child

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary emotion under it

• A lot of mad children are really scared and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.

• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.

• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … How To Discipline A Foster Child

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to obtain from our child, we should want to offer first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?

It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. How To Discipline A Foster Child

This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. How To Discipline A Foster Child

Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …

Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? How To Discipline A Foster Child

Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? How To Discipline A Foster Child

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I recommend anybody who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Discipline A Foster Child

You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.

In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. How To Discipline A Foster Child


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