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When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. How To Discipline A Four Year Old
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.How To Discipline A Four Year Old
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach How To Discipline A Four Year Old
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts lead to healthy child development How To Discipline A Four Year Old
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? How To Discipline A Four Year Old
First, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for How To Discipline A Four Year Old
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently yields better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. How To Discipline A Four Year Old
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually simpler (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. How To Discipline A Four Year Old
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main emotion underneath it
• Most upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … How To Discipline A Four Year Old
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be prepared to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. How To Discipline A Four Year Old
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. How To Discipline A Four Year Old
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? How To Discipline A Four Year Old
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Discipline A Four Year Old
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Discipline A Four Year Old
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. How To Discipline A Four Year Old
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