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When I first became a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Discipline A High Functioning Autistic Child
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.How To Discipline A High Functioning Autistic Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution How To Discipline A High Functioning Autistic Child
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began checking out blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and basically every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles bring about healthy child development How To Discipline A High Functioning Autistic Child
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? How To Discipline A High Functioning Autistic Child
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want How To Discipline A High Functioning Autistic Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that cooperation always yields better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. How To Discipline A High Functioning Autistic Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. How To Discipline A High Functioning Autistic Child
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary feeling beneath it
• Most mad children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … How To Discipline A High Functioning Autistic Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to receive from our child, we must agree to give before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as a person. How To Discipline A High Functioning Autistic Child
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. How To Discipline A High Functioning Autistic Child
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? How To Discipline A High Functioning Autistic Child
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Discipline A High Functioning Autistic Child
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Discipline A High Functioning Autistic Child
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Discipline A High Functioning Autistic Child
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