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When I first became a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Discipline A Hyperactive Child
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.How To Discipline A Hyperactive Child
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan How To Discipline A Hyperactive Child
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reviewing blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and practically every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development How To Discipline A Hyperactive Child
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Discipline A Hyperactive Child
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want How To Discipline A Hyperactive Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that cooperation always produces much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. How To Discipline A Hyperactive Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (and more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. How To Discipline A Hyperactive Child
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a main emotion underneath it
• Most mad children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … How To Discipline A Hyperactive Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we must want to give first. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. How To Discipline A Hyperactive Child
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. How To Discipline A Hyperactive Child
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? How To Discipline A Hyperactive Child
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? How To Discipline A Hyperactive Child
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Discipline A Hyperactive Child
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. How To Discipline A Hyperactive Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.