How To Discipline A Rude Child – How I Chose Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Listen

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How To Discipline A Rude Child
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Discipline A Rude Child

There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.How To Discipline A Rude Child

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer How To Discipline A Rude Child

My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as practically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.

I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development How To Discipline A Rude Child

How To Discipline A Rude Child

In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.

Given his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Discipline A Rude Child

Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Disregarding major misbehavior

• Giving your children everything they ask for How To Discipline A Rude Child

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no boundaries

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently yields far better lasting results than harsh control.

Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Setting healthy limits

• Developing a child’s foundational character traits

Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued

• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control

• Going deeper than simple outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. How To Discipline A Rude Child

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Below are a number of the methods Amy teaches to help you to come to be the mom or father you’ve always wished to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Identify the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (and much more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can progress a great deal more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. How To Discipline A Rude Child

As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key emotion underneath it

• The majority of upset children are really anxious and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.

• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … How To Discipline A Rude Child

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we must be eager to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?

It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. How To Discipline A Rude Child

This does not mean you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. How To Discipline A Rude Child

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …

Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? How To Discipline A Rude Child

Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some readers could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.

So how can you become a positive parent? How To Discipline A Rude Child

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I recommend any individual that is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Discipline A Rude Child

You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.

In her free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Discipline A Rude Child


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