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When I initially came to be a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.How To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan How To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and practically every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas result in healthy child development How To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want How To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation always yields much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. How To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (and much more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. How To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary feeling below it
• Most upset children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … How To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. How To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. How To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? How To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? How To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. How To Discipline A Strong Willed Child
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